Congregation Shema Yisrael

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. -Exodus 20:16

You shall not steal, nor deal falsely, or lie to one another. -Leviticus 19:11

I do not write to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it and because no lie comes from the truth. -1 John 2:21

If you ask most believers if it’s OK to lie, most believers will say “no”. That said, under certain circumstances, believers lie sometimes, but usually “little white lies”. I’m talking about when a wife asks her husband if the dress she’s wearing makes her look fat, or when your host at a dinner party asks how you like a meal and you don’t think very much of the food. We call these “little white lies” and say them in order to not hurt someone’s feelings or to avoid appearing rude or insensitive. Based on the sampling of Bible verses I posted above though, how can we say that lying is acceptable against God’s standard?

Let’s cut to the chase. During the Holocaust, many, many “righteous Gentiles” lied to the Nazis when they were hiding Jewish people. It seems like a no brainer to lie under such circumstances. After all, to tell the truth and admit that you are hiding a Jewish family would probably result not only in the family being sent to the camps, but you being punished; even killed, for hiding out Jews in the first place. Does God approve of such lies?

In Judaism, the answer is “yes”, but not just because of “enlightened self-interest” as in the circumstance of the Holocaust.

The Gemara relates that when Yaakov (Jacob) proposed to Rochel (Rachel) she expressed concern that her father would try to deceive him. Yaakov assured her that he would act deceptively as well. Upon inquiry of whether it is permitted for a person to behave deceptively he quoted the pasuk that teaches that one should behave honestly with those who are honest and deceptively with those who are deceptive.

Ben Bag Bag, in the Gemara Bava Kama (27b) teaches that one should not enter the courtyard of a friend to retrieve his possessions so that he should not appear as a thief. Rather, he would “break his teeth” and inform the thief that he is taking back his possessions. Sha’ar Mishpat asserts that Ben Bag Bag was not merely offering good advice to avoid appearing as a thief; he was teaching that it is prohibited for a person to steal his objects back from the thief who stole them so that he should not appear as though he is stealing someone else’s property. Since a dissenting opinion is not cited it seems as though halacha should follow Ben Bag Bag which raises the question why his ruling is not cited by Rambam or Tur. Minchas Chinuch suggests that the use of singular language indicates that others disagree with Ben Bag Bag and halacha will follow that majority opinion.

Ben Ish Chai suggests that the dispute whether halacha follows Ben Bag Bag’s statement is limited to cases where the thief is not deceptive as well. In such a case one could maintain that one should not “steal” his property from the thief since it could be retrieved using legal means. If, however, the thief practices deception and it will not be possible for a person to retrieve his property from the thief using legal means all opinions would agree that it is permitted for a person to “steal” back his property if the opportunity presents itself. This is consistent with Yaakov’s teaching to Rochel that it is permitted for a person to behave deceptively with one who is deceptive.

From Daf Digest
Bava Basra 123
Halacha Highlight
Using deception to retrieve stolen property

Confused? Let’s look at it another way. Jacob was no stranger to being deceptive. In Genesis 27 the story of how Jacob received the blessing of the firstborn from his father Isaac is recounted. He “disguised” himself as his older brother Esau and “stole” Esau’s blessing from Isaac at the urging of his mother Rebecca.

This act though, was driven by a unique event that occurred in Rebecca’s life when she was pregnant with her twin sons. As told in Genesis 25:21-26, when she was having difficulty in her pregnancy, Rebecca inquired of God, and God told her that Jacob and Esau represented “two nations” warring within her, and that the older would ultimately serve the younger. This information, as far as the Bible record is concerned, was never told to Isaac, and Rebecca, in essence, acting as God’s agent (or perhaps even Prophetess) in this situation, continually worked to support the words she received from God, even through means of deception. She’s not the only one.

When Tamar was told, “Your father-in-law is on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep,” she took off her widow’s clothes, covered herself with a veil to disguise herself, and then sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the road to Timnah. For she saw that, though Shelah had now grown up, she had not been given to him as his wife. -Genesis 38:13-14

This is only a snippet of the Genesis 38 narrative that describes how Tamar, once married to Judah’s oldest son Er, who died due to his sins, and betrothed to the next son Onan in a leverite marriage who also died, was promised to Judah’s youngest son Shelah to produce a son to carry on Er’s name when Shelah became old enough. Judah, seeing two sons die when associated with Tamar, wasn’t taking chances and had no intention of letting Tamar anywhere near Shelah (and of course, lying Tamar about his intentions). This would condemn Tamar to lifelong widowhood in the house of her father.

Although the Bible record does not relate a conversation between Tamar and God, she seemed to be acting according to His will when, deceptively, she disguised herself as a prostitute and “tricked” Judah into having sex with her so she could become pregnant. Most Christians don’t speak well of Tamar and her motives, but we find that, when her motivation was revealed, that neither Judah or God condemned her.

Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” And he did not sleep with her again. When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. As she was giving birth, one of them put out his hand; so the midwife took a scarlet thread and tied it on his wrist and said, “This one came out first.” But when he drew back his hand, his brother came out, and she said, “So this is how you have broken out!” And he was named Perez. Then his brother, who had the scarlet thread on his wrist, came out and he was given the name Zerah. -Genesis 38:26-30

Not only does Judah acknowledge that Tamar’s motives were more righteous than his own, but God allows her to give birth to twin sons, one of the sons being Perez, who is in the line of the Messiah. As difficult as it is for us to understand, it appears that under certain circumstances, God allows the use of deception in order to fulfill His Word.

The narratives related thus far don’t invoke the Jewish principle of Pikuach Nefesh, but the Holocaust example certainly does. According to the halacha of Pikuach Nefesh, the saving of a life is of the greatest importance to God, even above all other Torah considerations. In a situation where you are saving a life, you are allowed to break almost any commandment, including the prohibition against lying, in order to do so.

Leviticus 18:5 states, Keep my decrees and laws, for the man who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD. The Hebrew literally states “that do them the person and live with them” and is the Bible basis for Pikuach Nefesh. Ezekiel 20:11 and Nehemiah 9:29 both support this as well, emphasizing that life and living are of the highest importance in most (but not all) circumstances.

I don’t necessarily agree that you can automatically lie to a liar and only have to be truthful to truthful people, but under circumstances when being truthful will result in the death of the innocent or in your own death, it seems acceptable to lie. You may not agree that Jacob, Rebecca, and Tamar were defending life when they acted deceptively, but to stretch the principle a bit, if they hadn’t behaved in such a way, the Tribes of Israel and the Messiah would never have occurred. Yes, of course, God could have created other circumstances to fulfill His will, but He didn’t. He permitted events to run their course, and that included lying and deception. I’m not sure their behavior falls into the category of Pikuach Nefesh, but I don’t get to question the actions of God, either. It happened and nothing happens in Creation outside the will of the Creator.

What about our “little white lies”? It seems innocent enough to lie to spare hurt feelings and to promote harmony and peace, but it’s not that simple. If you are brutally honest, no one dies, but does that mean no one gets hurt? What is better, to spare someone’s feelings in the short-term, leaving them to face a problem in the long run, or to be brutally honest at the onset, causing immediate hurt feelings, but preparing a person for a realistic future? The difference may be one between “Does this dress make me look fat” and not telling a terminally ill person the truth of their condition to spare them the initial shock.

The former seems like a relatively “harmless” lie, while the latter is ultimately cruel, since the final outcome is unavoidable and the person will need time to prepare for their demise. The “fat” lie may not be justified either, if in fact, it covers the truth of a significant weight and health problem, as opposed to merely an unflattering clothing choice. Judaism again permits lying to spare a person’s feelings, such as not being completely candid about a person’s shortcomings when delivering their eulogy, sparing the family unnecessary public shame.

The final analysis must be made with the heart of God. God is a God of truth but also a God of mercy and gentleness. He was truthful with Moses when He told him he would die and not cross the Jordan into Israel, but God took the life of Moses in a manner as gentle as a kiss. If we can tell the truth and be kind, we are obligated to do so, but telling the truth and being unmindful of the hurt we are causing, just because it’s the truth, is not a virtue. The grace of God is not just in the truth, but how you tell it. If you were dying, in what way would you like to be told the truth? Tell your truths in just that manner; then you will be closer to God.

Afterword: For more on this topic, go to beth-elsa.org and read Rabbi Samuel M. Stahl’s message, Is Lying Ever Justified?. You might also want to review my article on the life of Irena Sendler, a woman who rescued many Jewish children from the Nazi’s during the Holocaust, and (interestingly enough) consider Isaac Asimov’s 1941 short story Liar!, a tale about “someone” who lies to spare feelings…with disastrous results.