Congregation Shema Yisrael

The LORD answered Moses, “Is the LORD’s arm too short? You will now see whether or not what I say will come true for you.” -Numbers 11:23

Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. -Isaiah 59:1-2

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. -Luke 12:22-31

In one way or another, I’ve been writing about faith lately or the lack thereof (See Faithfulness, But what if I don’t love myself, and Fire, Water, and Wine if you don’t believe me). However, I also read a number of Christian blogs and other content on the web that makes it seem as if every believer writing them never has doubts, is always self-assured, and perhaps even covertly, disdains those believers who experience emotional states other than pure joy and enthusiasm every waking moment. I have a hard time finding references to feeling guilt over sin, experiencing humility in the face of the Messiah, and having struggles over reconciliation with both God and people in any of these write ups. While we are told with confidence that worry is needless and that the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, if we feel small and scared sometimes, should that add on to our list of secret guilts and feelings of inadequacy in front of all the “super-Christians” on the web?

Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked, “You of little faith, why are you talking among yourselves about having no bread? Do you still not understand? Don’t you remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many basketfuls you gathered? How is it you don’t understand that I was not talking to you about bread? But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees. -Matthew 16:8-12

This is among the numerous rebukes from Yeshua (Jesus) to his disciples. The twelve walked and talked with the Messiah, and saw all that he did for three years. Even during that time, they doubted and had difficulty getting past their limited perspective regarding who they were following and what he represents. Finally, when Yeshua was executed, they went into hiding, afraid that they were next.

Yes, after the resurrection and after the giving of the Holy Spirit, they found their courage and spread the Good News as they never did before, but even then, they had their faults. Peter would only eat with Gentile believers when no other Jews were around, caving in to peer pressure. Even Paul in his letter to the Romans bewailed the following:

We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. -Romans 7:14-20

Yet despite this, we still have an expectation that if we ever have a lousy day, we’ve failed God miserably. Frankly though, I’m not as concerned about the judgment of God as I am other believers. In fact, I thank God daily that He’s not a human being nor is He subject to human emotions and judgments. If He were, who in all of Creation would survive?

Today, I came across a blog titled Dealing with Doubt, written by Tom Ziglar, Zig Ziglar’s son, regarding his father’s brain injury and recovery.

In reading the blog, I at once saw a man of wonderful faith and realized that I have a long way to go in mine. I suppose if you want to encourage others in their walk with God, you don’t reveal the times you’ve stumbled, but then, does anyone (besides me) ever admit to stumbling? Worse, does anyone else besides me stumble? I sometimes wonder if the Holy Spirit made every other believer “stumble-proof” except me. I know this isn’t true, but I have a hard time finding anyone who’ll admit it.

I don’t say this to put down Mr. Ziglar. On the contrary, I don’t doubt that he’s a man of extraordinary faith in God, and that he is completely sincere in everything that he says. I also don’t doubt that there are many others out there like him, who have a virtually unshakable faith, regardless of their circumstances. I do wonder sometimes if there are believers who, like me, occasionally feel like the tag line for the For Dummies book series: Faith “for the rest of us”.

While I’ve had this topic on my mind, I wasn’t going to blog about it, but then, I read my daily Gemara and found this:

Today’s daf discusses the punishment for arrogance.

Rav Rafael of Bershad, zt”l, explained that when a person slips up or makes an error in davening or is embarrassed, he should not allow himself to be vexed by this in the slightest. “This is just like a person who is sick and requires bitter medicine to heal him. Although he would prefer to avoid taking the medication altogether, if he is sick he will take it and thank the doctor for administering it.

“Similarly, Hashem (the Lord) arranges for a person to err when he falls into arrogance. In order to rectify this, a person is made to stumble and this naturally makes him feel very small. Although such failings are a direct result of Hashem’s mercy upon us, we are better off searching for a simpler antidote to our hubris so we will not be required to endure such embarrassing moments. If a person yearns to attain humility with his entire heart, Hashem will help him attain it.

“But when we fail we must never give in to feelings of depression which distance us from Hashem. Rav Pinchas of Koretz, zt”l, once encouraged me on just this point with the words, ‘Just don’t be afraid.’

“I always understood this to mean that a person should never allow anything to depress or frighten him. Instead one should thank Hashem for the difficulty, saying, ‘Master of the world. You have sent this trouble so I should attain humility and be healed spiritually, and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart! Please protect me from stumbling in this manner in the future. Instead, protect me from the defilement of arrogance by awakening a desire within me to attain a truly humble spirit, so there is no longer any need to cause me to stumble and fall in the future.’”

When someone asked Rav Rafael for advice to help him conquer ego, Rav Rafael answered, “Hashem created a person so that he would spend his entire life searching for ways to be saved from pride!”

-From Daf Digest
Bava Basra 98
Stories off the Daf
The Bitter Medicine

This tells me a few things. From the Jewish point of view, God does send experiences designed to move us emotionally and to make us feel small and inadequate, but only to help us realize that we need Him to overcome our deficiencies. The “medicine” is bitter by definition. Of course, the commentator also acknowledges that the ideal is to face these challenges without fear or depression, and that feeling downcast and dejected separates us from God as much as feeling arrogant and self-centered.

In the article Faithfulness, I suggested that not every hardship is a test from God and that some of our difficulties could be the direct result of our own bad decisions. On the other hand, even when we experience the consequences of bad decisions, God is still there using the situation to help teach us to not give up on ourselves and Him, but rather to use what we’re going through as a path back to His ways and His love. While some believers make it seem as if they never stray into the shadows and feel confused or disoriented, it seems clear from both Scripture and commentary that these are states even the most faithful find themselves in from time to time. If “encouraging” Christian blogs aren’t encouraging you, the best place to find good reading material is the Bible which leads to God.

While contemplating all these things this morning, I opened my Bible and read this:

I lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip -
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you -
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm -
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

-Psalm 121