Last July, Cyndy Stucker, long time friend and a person I worshipped with for years, died after a lengthy and difficult struggle with cancer. I’ve watched her children grow up. Our congregation meets in a house owned by her husband Dale’s family. We all remain touched by Cyndy’s death, and especially her life.
My words about Cyndy, her husband Dale, and their children aren’t important. Dale’s words are. He’s been invited to speak briefly at this year’s Susan G. Komen Annual Survivor Dinner on Thursday, May 7th. Although his comments are to be extemporaneous, he had originally prepared a document from which to speak. While that content won’t be presented at this Thursday’s dinner, Dale asks that his words be offered to as many people as possible. He has an important message to deliver to everyone…at least everyone who loves.
Hello. My name is Dale Stucker, and I imagine you’re wondering why I’m here. Shortly before my wife Cyndy passed away last year from breast cancer she told me, “Dale, if you can use our story to help others, its OK with me.” I promised her I would.
In 2001 Cyndy and I were in our early 40s and our life together as husband and wife was 14 years young. We were blessed with four children; two sons and two daughters. Life was busy, but that was normal and it was good. In early November that same year everything normal crashed down around us when Cyndy was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer, the disease having already spread far into her lymphatic system. Immediately she had a modified radical left breast mastectomy, had 18 lymph nodes removed, 17 of which were invasive, and started the first of many rounds of oral and port accessed chemotherapy. This was followed by radiation to the chest, left shoulder and neck. After that she began a five-year regimen of anti-estrogen hormone therapy.
Thankfully the aggressive treatment she received forced the advanced cancer into remission, and we were truly blessed to enjoy several more years together as a family. I will forever be grateful to the incredible team of professionals who fought so valiantly for Cyndy in battling her cancer. I went with her to every appointment and checkup she went to and I observed firsthand the dedication and support exhibited by those that cared for her. Their ability, along with the support of friends and family, to extend hope and encouragement in the face of despondency and despair was nothing short of miraculous.
In January 2007, anticipation for permanent victory over the disease was crushed when we discovered the cancer had metastasized to her bones. Additional treatment bought us 18 more months, but the tide could not be turned. Cyndy passed away from obstructive pulmonary pneumonia at home surrounded by friends and family on July 6, 2008. We were married 20 years. She was just 49 years old.
The question needs asked, why was Cyndy’s initial diagnosis late stage breast cancer? I will tell you. Before diagnosis, Cyndy had never, not even once, had a mammogram or any other kind of pre-screening for cancer. To make matters worse; when she did feel her lumps for the first time we did nothing. Oh, we talked about it, but we incorrectly assumed they were the result of child bearing; having known her left breast had always been just a little more dense than the right one. So we used the excuse; “It can’t be cancer, we don’t have a family history of breast cancer. Why bother with an expensive exam?”
Oh my God! Here she was exhibiting all the signs and symptoms and we’re ignoring them. Besides, why bother with a family history for breast cancer when Cyndy could start one herself? Our lack of good judgment and our inability to err on the side of caution were the deciding factors of what was to come. I now understand well the meaning of that simple little phrase: “An ounce of prevention…” Simply put, we squandered our golden window of opportunity. Had we taken advantage of the proactive screenings and mammograms that were readily available, we could have saved hundreds of thousands of dollars, a tremendous amount of pain and anguish, and quite probably Cyndy’s life. Together we could have seen all the good things that come with having a wonderful family. Sadly that won’t happen. All I can do now is imagine what could have been.
What I have to say next can be equally important to both men and women, but right now I want to focus my direction toward the men. Gentlemen, lets do some imagining here. I want you to think of a special lady close to you who has never been screened for cancer or had a mammogram. She could be your wife, your daughter, a niece, your mom or a special friend. Imagine she was just diagnosed with stage III breast cancer and now she too is a survivor who is doing everything she can to fight back. Now I need you to Imagine surviving the loss of your loved one. Her disease was just too advanced and nothing could be done to stop it. Her window of opportunity is gone and now it’s too late. She’s gone. And you know what? You just couldn’t have imagined it could happen to her.
Men, I challenge you to use this year’s Susan G. Komen theme “Imagine…” in a new way. From now on say to yourself, “Imagine the difference I can make!” Imagine the difference you can make to your wife, your daughter, your niece, your mother or your friend because ten years ago you insisted they get screened or had that mammogram done and received early and successful treatment. Imagine now, after ten years, the joy of your wife at your side in bed at night. Imagine your daughter, the proud mother of your grandchild, sitting next to you on the bleachers at the ballpark watching her son hit a homer. Imagine the feast you had last Thanksgiving because your niece is such an amazing cook. Imagine the cruise to Alaska your parents just took after dreaming about it for years. Imagine those Thursday night league bowling games you and your wife enjoy with your best friends every week. And you know what? You didn’t have to imagine a thing because it was you who made the difference for all these people. You gave them back their future.
Gentlemen one out of every seven women will get breast cancer. Right now there are thousands of “Cyndys” who even now are undecided about when, or even if they should go and get checked. You must commit to make it your duty to empower them to do the right thing. Do not hinder them by your silence for it can be as deadly a killer as breast cancer itself. This is not a game; it’s a battle for lives of people we love. Don’t pass your responsibility to others. It’s not fair to them, to yourself, and especially not fair to the ones you love. Gentlemen, lets do our part to make sure the women in our lives receive the total support they need. They deserve no less.
Thank you for listening. God is good. He will see us through. I rejoice with you folks that have beaten back the monster that cancer is. My prayers are for you who are striving to defeat that monster. And finally, my heart goes out to all of you who even now suffer through what our family has suffered through because, I know, it hurts like Hell.
To learn more about the Stucker family’s struggle and their courage, please visit Cyndy’s Memorial Page. Also visit the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure website for more information about screening for, battling, and surviving breast cancer.
Most of all, please pray.
#1 by Mary Lynne Olson - May 3rd, 2009 at 07:45
Dale, what you have said is touching and a heartfelt plea for people to see that their loved ones get their yearly mammogram. Thank you for the courage to speak out when Cyndy’s death is still fresh on your heart. Thanks for caring about other women. I pray all is well with you and your family. Love, Mary Lynne
#2 by Kate Holgate - May 4th, 2009 at 13:41
Hi Dale,
Thank you for sharing Cyndy’s story. She passed just three days after my own mother lost her 2-year battle with cholangiocarcinoma. I have been blessed with the opportunity to work on the “Imagine” marketing campaign this year for Susan G. Komen Boise. I look forward to hearing you speak at the Survivor Dinner. Thank you for your inspiring words and faith. I hope that if we can find a cure for breast cancer, it might lead to the cure of other cancers.
I imagine that my mom and Cyndy are friends up in heaven right now.